Richard Bandler is famous for a lot of sayings. One that has always stuck with me is how disappointment requires adequate preplanning.
We often have conflicting desires. Some desires are known in consciousness, but many are not, and some are downright contradictory.
What is even more of a surprise, is how we may feel disappointed even when we get what we want.
Garth Brooks sings a country song:
Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you’re talkin’ to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn’t answer doesn’t mean he don’t care
Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered
Some of God’s greatest gifts are all too often unanswered
Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers
Even those who do not think of ‘the man upstairs’ agree that the wisdom and kindness of life sometimes gives us what is better for us than what we wanted for ourselves.
People go to extremes to avoid dealing with disappointment. Some become underachievers. Others become overachievers. Like Goldilocks, neither of these seems to be just right. Dealing with disappointment might be about seeing what gift is right here in the midst of the muddle.
Many years ago my husband wanted a promotion to manager of his own Pittsburgh Paints store. His boss was floating deposits to cover the lifting of petty cash. We were so excited when the district manager (who had been notified of the actions) transferred out. We were so sure the new DM would reward John’s honesty and give him the promotion. The whole crew was fired!
Shortly afterwards my father-in-law had a major stroke. We were so grateful we were in town to be of support during that time. Disappointment and unanswered prayer….
I thought I wanted fame and fortune. I wanted to travel and teach. I wanted to have SCS recognized world-wide. I was very disappointed when this did not happen.
A few years ago my husband and I wanted a double-wide mobile home in Glen-Aire. The 90-Something woman who lived in that home was not ready to make the move when we were. We were disappointed.
Now we are so grateful we ended up where we are.
Many times over the years I have mentioned how Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT or Tapping) is consistent with reframing by degrees. The recorded talk I was listening to this morning had Jessica Ortner explaining that chunking up (looking at a larger picture), and chunking down (seeing the details), come from NLP.
Sometimes we need ways to support ourselves through disappointment until we can see the gifts. You may find tapping’s universal reversals can provide that support.
Universal Reversals
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I deeply and completely accept myself even with all my problems and limitations.
I deeply and completely accept myself even if I want to keep this problem.
I deeply and completely accept myself even if I will continue to have this problem.
I deeply and completely accept myself even if I don’t deserve to get over this problem.
I deeply and completely accept myself even if it isn’t safe for me to get over this problem.
I deeply and completely accept myself even if I will not do what is necessary to get over this problem.
I deeply and completely accept myself even if getting over this problem will not be good for me.
I deeply and completely accept myself even if getting over this problem will not be good for others in my life.
I deeply and completely accept myself even if I have a unique block to getting over this problem.
I deeply and completely accept myself even if I have a fear about how my life will change if I get over this problem.
Here is a short instructional video introduction on tapping.
An easy way to work with our attitude toward disappointment is to develop a personal mantra or breath prayer. Try coming up with your own, or start with one of these: ‘this or something better’ or ‘not my will, but thy will’ or ‘highest good for all.’
Most importantly, notice where you are planning to be disappointed. Find ways to play to be pleasantly surprised instead…. what do you have to gain?