New Year’s Resolutions (1 January 2010)
Most people make New Year’s resolutions, whether they write them down or simply have the thought that next year will be different in one way or another. The most common New Year’s resolutions (if statistics are to be believed) are to lose weight, to quit smoking, and to get into better physical condition. If the random TV footage of people on the streets in the States is correct, those all seem to be worthwhile resolutions.
Statistics also suggest that most people haven’t been able to keep resolutions very long. About 30 percent of those who make them have given up before they have reached the 2 week mark. Less than half last 6 months. While that means that almost half are sticking with their plans at the six-month mark, it is easy to see why some people have given up on the idea of starting the New Year on a new foot.
As I was thinking about the most common resolutions and the reasons that people might have for giving up on them, it occurred to me that, in NLP terms, the most common resolutions seem focused on remedial issues rather than on generative solutions. The focus is on applying a short-term fix to what needs to be a long-term behavioral change. (For more on remedial and generative change, see pp. 202 ff. In Healing with Language: Your Key to Effective Mind-Body Communication, by Bowman and Basham.)
Remedial changes are fine, of course, when a remedial solution will serve. You break an arm. It’s good to have the break set and a cast put on the arm. The remedial solution opens the door for generative change. Once the bone has knit, it will be stronger than it was before. If you contract a bacterial infection, an antibiotic is the remedial change. The rebuilding of your natural immune system is generative.
For long-term change, even if you start with something remedial, such as throwing your cigarettes away or subscribing to a commercial diet plan, success over time requires generative change. If you’ve ever broken an arm or a leg, you know that you aren’t fully healed when the cast comes off. You will need to exercise the limb to regain full strength. My sense is that New Year’s resolutions are worthwhile to the degree that long-term generative change is part of your planning process. Losing weight and being more physically fit, or being a former smoker, require not only a change in short-term behavior, but also new habits that better serve your purposes now. You will be successful when you establish a plan that includes daily recommitment to achieving your desired goal.
One of the things about generative change is that it is more a matter of setting direction than it is about an immediate shift. Even if you desire an immediate shift starting on New Year’s Day, you will do well to set the direction you want to go and plan the steps you will take along the way. If you want to quit smoking, for example, it’s fine to toss your last pack (or carton) of cigarettes away, but also plan to continue moving the right direction even after you have caught yourself having bummed a cigarette. Recognize that a little backsliding doesn’t mean failure but is actually an opportunity for renewed commitment.
The same is true for weight loss and being more physically fit. I have known a lot of people over the years who essentially starved themselves (with such things as the lettuce and grapefruit diet) for 30 days, lost weight, and then gave into cravings (who wouldn’t at that point?), and splurged on ice cream and candy bars. At that point, they tossed their resolution out the window. The metaphor is the Tortoise and the Hare. It doesn’t matter how fast you start. What counts is how long you can stick with it.
You may be wondering whether I set New Year’s resolutions. I do. Losing weight and getting into better physical condition are also on my list. I know that achieving my goals will take more than a two-week effort, and so my plans need to be generative rather than remedial. My other resolutions are also generative. One is to avoid the resentment trap that occurs when one is stuck on the Drama Triangle (see Healing with Language, pp. 182-184). The other is to have more charity for all.
Both of these have to do with cultivating a generosity of spirit, the extension of loving kindness to others. I’m sure that you can imagine why these would be generative changes rather than remedial. A related remedial change would be to apologize for a failure to be kind. The generative change sets a new direction, and every instance requiring a remedial change, helps reinforce the new direction.
The same will be true for whatever New Year’s resolutions you find most appropriate as we move into 2010. One other thing: public commitment (such as telling your friends about your resolutions or posting them in a comment on this blog) will greatly enhance your ability to keep them.
Whatever and however, good luck with your resolutions and have an increasingly wonderful New Year.
joel@scs-matters.com
www.scs-matters.com
