By Debra Basham, on 1 April 2021 This winter I have been most entertained by the official state bird of Florida: the mockingbird.
Florida designated the mockingbird as the official state bird in 1927, and the northern mockingbird is also the state bird of Texas, Arkansas, Tennessee and Mississippi.
The first memory I have of mockingbird comes from an encounter at our daughter’s home in Tennessee. I was astounded that so many birds would be up singing during the middle of the night!
It was just one bird, the mockingbird, with extraordinary vocal abilities. They can sing up to 200 songs, including the songs of other birds, insect and amphibian sounds and even an occasional mechanical noise, such as a car alarm.
I recently heard “pretty bird” come off the beak of a mockingbird! I am very sorry we do not get to enjoy mockingbirds in Michigan.
Mockingbird sounds are odd, but human words are even more odd. Those who have studied SCS/NLP with Joel and me have a lot of experience with odd (made-up) words. SCS is a made-up word, short for Subtle Communication Systems (another made-up word). Even NLP, and neuro-linguistic-programming are both made-up words, too.
Rumor has it that Richard Bandler was stopped for speeding (while under the influence of substance). In spite of acting out that risky behavior, Richard is S-M-A-R-T. He knew if he answered the officer’s “What do you do?” with the truth (I am a student who does drugs and plays music in a rock band), he would likely end up arrested. He supposedly looked at the books on the seat (things he was studying at the time) and said, “I am a neurolinguistic programmer.”
The rest is history.
EVERY word is made-up.
Some words have pretty clear origins. Both in Spanish and Portuguese (as well as in the Italian felicità), the words for happiness have a root in the Latin word ‘felix’ which could also mean ‘fertile.’
I am purr-fectly curious now about how Felix the cat got his name….
Noun simply means name. Nouns are naming words.
In NLP, the made-up word nominalization is a verb describing the process of using a verb or adjective as a noun.
An easy way to identify a noun is to answer the question, “Could this be put into a wheelbarrow?” An actual noun names a tangible object, that could be placed into a wheelbarrow, even if it might take a REALLY BIG wheelbarrow to hold it.
You might be wondering why this is relevant to you, to anyone, to everyone.
People fight, argue, disagree — and sometimes kill — over nominalizations: peace, freedom, kindness, love; right, wrong, good, bad. How about saved, salvation, repentance, forgiveness? Selfish, illegal, true, false? The list of nominalizations being accepted as nouns is essentially endless.
The next time you notice yourself reacting to something you hear or read, be sure to notice also the nominalizations. The old saying goes something like this, “Sticks and stones may break bones, but words can never hurt me.”
Unnoticed nominalizations hurt everybody all the time…
We can all take our lessons from the mockingbird and sing a song of happiness.
We can use our heads, for goodness sake!
By Joel Bowman, on 1 March 2021 Debra and I are very different in some ways. While we have sufficient traits in common to allow for working together, the way we process information and relate not only to the past but also to our sense of the future differs significantly. Some of those differences are gender based: men learn to process information differently from women. Neither gender has a “lock” on the truth. Both genders have learned based on information available to them, and neither gender has access to all the information.
I grew up playing typical competitive sports played by men and boys: Football, baseball, and basketball. I grew up in California, so (at the time), we didn’t play hockey because we didn’t have any ice. Times change, of course. Sports got their start as training for combat. You can get a good sense of things by reading Shakespeare. There are also a number of old black-and-white movies that will give you a fairly good sense of what combat was like during the “Middle Ages.”
One of the scenes from an old black-and-white movie that has stuck in my mind since I first saw the film in in junior high showed the dead and dying lying in the field while the women from the village go through the bodies of the dead and dying looking for loved ones. Our ancestors were definitely tough. They had to be to survive.
My father and his brother both saw combat in WWII. My father told me about a time he was sitting on a log with a buddy having lunch when they were strafed by a Japanese fighter plane. They fell on opposites sides of the log. My father escaped without harm, but his buddy was killed.
Two of my uncles saw combat in Korea, one as a fighter pilot and the other served in the artillery. I was of an age to go to war during the Vietnam Era and went to Vietnam with the Army. I was lucky and, although I spent time in a combat zone, I did not see combat. I did not see combat only because the major attack while I was there took place in another sector. I knew plenty of people, however, who weren’t so lucky. When I got my orders for Vietnam, my father’s advice was to make friends with an experienced sergeant and stick with him when our sector was attacked.
The military in general, and service in the military in particular, go a long way to explain why men are the way they are. Think about generation after generation of men learning “the warriors’ way” from their older male relatives. To the best of my knowledge, I have only one older male relative who did not serve in the military, and he worked in combat construction—he worked what is known as the “high steel,” the support for “sky scrapers,” both civilian and military. They are the guys who walk the construction beams that hold everything up and together. Most of my older relatives saw combat and/or served in a combat zone. The most popular competitive sports for men are all basically training for combat roles. This isn’t really either good or bad—it “just is.”
You may know the old spiritual, “Gonna Lay Down My Sword and Shield Down By the River Side.” The desire is there for humanity to change and become more peaceful. The lure of the familiar is a major impediment. How soon—and whether—we achieve that goal depends on those of us who desire a more peaceful life for humanity. It is hard to know what will best serve the overall purpose.
By Debra Basham, on 1 March 2021 If you look deeply into the palm of your hand,
you will see your parents
and all generations of your ancestors.
All of them are alive in this moment. …
You are a continuation of each of these people.
~ Thich Nhat Hanh
Anne Lamott was one of the speakers in the Mystics Summit. Anne said about her childhood: I kept a secret. If I said “hello” in silence, something heard me. She also confessed that she chose friends who had religious households and while most kids were trying to get out of church, she was just trying to get to church.
Both of these statements might have been mine.
Rabbi Rami Shapiro was another speaker in the Summit I really enjoyed. I made these notes from his talk: To go where you are supposed to go, you must leave your constricting narratives behind. (Countries/culture/religion/what your parents taught you.) Free yourself by investigating and seeing they are just constructs. When we are free from the narratives (us against them) then we can interact with life in such a way as to enhance the well-being of not just yourselves, but a blessing to all.
The deeper my practice of mindfulness, the more I appreciate the wisdom and insight of Richard Bandler and NLP/SCS as a predictable means of changing limiting beliefs.
Anne Lamott said Presbyterians are God’s frozen chosen. Presbyterians are not the only ones caught in their narratives. I have used different versions of the following joke for years:
A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, “Religion?” The man says, “Methodist.” St. Peter looks down his list and says, “Go to Room 24, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8.” Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. “Religion?” “Lutheran.” “Go to Room 18, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8.” A third man arrives at the gates. “Religion?” “Presbyterian.” “Go to Room 11, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8.” The man says, “I can understand there being different rooms for different denominations, but why must I be quiet when I pass Room 8?” St. Peter tells him, “Well, the Baptists are in Room 8, and they think they’re the only ones here.”
Having learned to notice my inner workings, I am aware when I react to someone who is fixated on “right or wrong” and “good or bad” I am seeing my own narrative. Of course, I may believe that my narrative is more lofty, but it is a narrative nonetheless.
We are the products of our parents and our religion — we are each the latest edition of our ancestors.
Rabbi Rami continued, “When we are free from the narratives (us against them) then we can interact with life in such a way as to enhance the well-being of not just yourselves, but a blessing to all.”
Our relationships will not change until “we” change. Wayne Dyer said if we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change. The change in leadership in Washington will not lead to change if the pendulum simply swings to the other side. Lasting change arises from (is the result of) changing our narratives for good.
Identify a narrative you are ready to change. Let yourself also identify something you would prefer in your life. Think about something that is good for you, is a blessing for others, and good for our world as well. For example, if your narrative was that others need to do something for you to be happy, you might really prefer to know your happiness is not conditioned on someone or something else.
The decision to change a behavior will not immediately stop the habit energy, so use this Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) tapping sequence each time you notice the old thought or attitude or behavior arise, and you can soon enjoy your new behavior!
Note: SH (side of hand); EB (beginning point of eyebrow); SE (ending point of eyebrow); UE (under your eye); UN (under your nose); CH (on the crease of your chin); CB (on your collarbone); UA (under your arm); TH (on the top of your head)
SH: Even though I want to _______, right now, I deeply and completely love and accept myself…
Even though I have this old pattern of _______ing, I choose to behave differently right now…
Even though part of me wants to ______, it’s just what I do, it’s who I am, I choose to change this pattern
and ______ (new behavior) now…
EB: Part of me wants to ______(old habit)….
SE: I’ve got this old pattern….
UE: That wants to keep running….
UN: This old pattern….
CH: Of ______ing….
CB: And I choose to let it go now….
UA: It’s safe to make a different choice….
TH: And ______(new behavior) now….
EB: All of the stress.
SE: It’s was hard to think of anything else.
UE: My life seemed like it’s on hold until the old ways were gone.
UN: I told myself I couldn’t be happy until they are gone.
CH: I believed I couldn’t feel confident until they are gone.
CB: I had the idea I couldn’t enjoy the moment until they are gone.
UA: No wonder I would panic when the cravings would come.
TH: I allowed this old habit to stop me from living my life.
EB: I would much more enjoy ________(new behavior);
SE: and I have survived much more difficult situations before.
UE: My body can relax into the truth of that now.
UN: Maybe developing a new behavior can be easier than I thought.
CH: Maybe now I can relax and enjoy life.
CB: It feels so good to feel relaxed and peaceful,
UA: about this healthier way of taking good care of myself.
TH: It is so wonderful to know I am safe and I can be successful and enjoy this journey.
Take a deep breath. Notice where your thoughts are now and if anything else came up. If so, use those thoughts to do another round of tapping. Substitute words that fit more perfectly. Tap this every day for 30 days, dealing with whatever comes up. Thaw out all of your old “frozen chosen” ideas!
We really don’t want to wait until our life is over to discover that essentially everything we thought about life was all made up, do we….
By Debra Basham, on 1 February 2021 “Suppose we were to share meaning freely
without the compulsive urge to impose our view
or conform to those of others
and without distortion and self-deception.
Would this not constitute a real revolution in culture?”
~ David Bohm
This article has been working on my mind for weeks. The original title was “Attachment to View,” but changed as I listened to a sermon I gave in October 2017. That sermon, titled “Universal Recovery,” was inspired by I Am Right You Are Wrong: From This to the New Renaissance: From Rock Logic to Water Logic, by Edward de Bono. The universal addiction is to our personal point of view…
NLP helps us recognize patterns of behavior in ourselves and others. Strategies — such as matching and mismatching or toward and away — most often operate without awareness, triggering painful emotions, distorted perceptions, and generating limiting beliefs. In a poetry writing group I belong to, feelings of inadequacy and inferiority recently surfaced again for me. Fortunately, rather than remain attached to a view I have outgrown, I was able to reach out. Relief was palpable. The outcome is that I am able to honor fully my own contribution, even without having “formal” education, and the contribution of the other members of the group.
The title for this article has evolved into: “AWE: Potential in the Mind of God.”
In Dharma Path, a three-year program of spiritual growth and development with Barbara Brodsky, we are currently working with cultivation of our sense of AWE. I came up with this mnemonic device: AWE – awareness without expectation.
Although not part of the formal class, a wonderful partner resource called The Tree of Awe came forth from a precious friend who also has a long history with the teachings. Here are a few powerful excerpts:
All of us live with broken hearts, whether from the great disappointment we feel for our species’ repeated descents into violence and meanness, or from smaller, but no less intense, disappointments we feel for not being loved the way we want, or for not being the person we hoped to be, or for not being understood, or for any of our countless dreams deferred.
What is lost when we let past pain stop us? Our potential. What is gained when we tend our broken hearts skillfully? Potential in the mind of god.
I found this draft of a previous article co-written by Joel and Debra.
Posted January 6, 2018 in Monthly NewsAre You Sure Enough to Be Unsure
By Debra and Joel
Look around you at those who say no to war, who say that force is not the only way, and see that many of those spokespersons are using force to try to make their point; not force of violence but a force of confrontation that cannot compassionately hear others. Here is where you have special power, the power to speak to those whose view is close to yours but have not yet learned to overcome their fear-based attachment to opinions. ~ Aaron
“Are you sure enough to be unsure?” is a question asked in NLP to force a collapse of logical levels:
Are you sure?
Are you absolutely sure?
Are you sure enough to be unsure?
There are very few absolutes: Water freezes at 32 F and boils at 212 F most of the time. Most arguments, however, are based on differences in beliefs rather than on physical aspects of the universe that can be measured in accepted ways. While scientists sometimes get into heated exchanges about the correctness of one theory over another, they typically use measurable details from the external environment as proof: they measure and weigh rather than yell and scream. They are more attached to process than they are to outcome.
In Buddhism the practice is to observe our own attachment. “Attachment” in this sense of the word refers to something desired, a “must have” element that robs us of necessary objectivity. It is, however, much easier to see when someone else has lost objectivity than to recognize “attachment” in ourselves. Related terms include frozen evaluation, an assessment that does not change over time, and having a closed mind, unwilling to accept new evidence.
One of the most interesting dynamics is the way two people can consider the other attached without the awareness of his or her own fixed position. And it is not just two people. The same dynamic influences political and national affiliations.
We lay our head under [The Tree of Awe] and stop trying to think our way through this. What is happening is so far beyond what we can know.
Much has changed in these past three years since Joel and I wrote and published that article, not the least of which is a global pandemic. However, attachment to view continues to be one of the most damaging dynamics of our personal and collective process — a sure way to thwart AWE and limit our potential.
The tree of awe isn’t something that is finished. Its branches grow infinitely into the farthest heavens and into the most loving and agonizing moments of our lives. Lying here, looking up at it, there is nothing more we can say, but at least we know we are in good company.
We are always in good company….
By Joel Bowman, on 1 February 2021 The title of my post is based on a song written and performed in the 1970s by the Steve Miller band. It was one of those songs that made an immediate impression on me. Based on record sales and “air time,” it evidently made a similar impression on many others (see “Fly Like An Eagle Steve Miller Band“). In some ways the song is a “Stoner’s delight,” in that the first audience to fully embrace the music and the lyrics were “Stoners,” people who spent time smoking marijuana. For one reason or another, many of those who resonated with the song were Vietnam veterans and/or those who knew veterans of the war in Vietnam.
I am a Vietnam veteran. During that conflict, I was stationed at (First) Ft. Campbell, Kentucky; (Second) Ft. Sam Houston, Texas; and (Third) Long Bihn, Vietnam. When we, the American soldiers, landed at the air base in Vietnam, we were told, “You’re in Vietnam now. If you (vernacular for “make a mistake”), you will be shot.” I was one of the lucky ones. I had a skill that was valuable to the Army: I could type. They (the military) didn’t have to teach me. At my parents’ suggestion I had taken typing in high school. I didn’t know at that time how important that would be. Typing was what kept me out of combat in Vietnam. It didn’t keep me out of the Vietnam combat zone; however, and I ended up spending more than six months in Vietnam during the war. But I was one of the “lucky ones.”
I spent most of my time in the military on U.S. bases, typing reports. Even so, I left the military with an “attitude.” I drove too fast most of the time. I was heading to my last duty station in the States, when I was stopped for speeding (85 in a 55). The officer asked me where I was going in “such a hurry.” When I told him, “Vietnam,” he told me to try to get there while I was still alive. He did not give me a ticket…. After leaving the service and returning to school, I wore my jungle boots to class most of the time and took a lot of chances while riding my motorcycle. I definitely had “an attitude.”
I had a lot of help with “attitude adjustment” from faculty, who helped me get reoriented to “civilization” and the rigors of an academic career. I was able to make the adjustment from “combat veteran” to faculty with the help of my academic friends and associates. Part of that, of course, was adjusting to the “academic requirement” of “publish or perish.” Fortunately, I enjoyed academic research and writing and ended up with a long and relatively happy career as an academic. I adjusted well to academic life and ended up retiring after a career of writing, publishing, and serving as a department chair. and avoided combat. I enjoyed reading, including reading required for research, and writing, including academic papers. A lot of my friends struggled with academic research and publication.
In spite of a fairly long career as an academic, I have never forgotten my time in the military and in a war zone. I knew first-hand the role chance plays in life. I was one of the lucky ones, and I knew it. My father, who served during WW II, told me about the time he and a buddy were sitting on a log having lunch when they were strafed by a Japanese Zero. My dad fell on one side of the log, and his buddy fell on the other. My dad was unhurt. His buddy was killed. 30 years later, he could still remember every detail.
While I was in Vietnam, I was assigned a driver and told to take a “deuce and a half” (a two and-a half—ton troop transport) to our sector of the perimeter and prepare to receive wounded soldiers. The enemy attacked a different sector. I was one of the lucky ones and know full well the role chance plays in life. While you are in the military, others control your life. You go where you are told. You eat what is offered. Such restrictions influence the way people think about things primarily by reducing the individual sense of responsibility for what happens.
The “structuring of responsibility” is perhaps one of the most important aspects of civilized life. In some ways, of course, if everyone is responsible, then no one is responsible. Tribal chiefs, kings, queens, and other “royalty” assume the responsibility for the tribe as a whole. Modern militaries use rank as the primary way to describe and define responsibility.
When you fly like an eagle, your spirit is free.
By Debra Basham, on 31 December 2020 As 2020 slides into our “past” it is very significant to be intentional about cataloging our experiences in our mind. How will 2020 be remembered? Will it remembered as positive, negative, or can it be remembered as just an experience, without adding any adjectives?
The challenge with adjectives is that we can use them then forget that we added them to the experience! Like tossing a boomerang, then being surprised when it comes back and hits us with a whop!
Adjectives are positive, comparative, and superlative. A “positive” adjective describes without comparing: It is a nice day.
If a descriptive adjective has one or two syllables, you can turn it into its comparative and superlative forms by adding -er and -est.
“Today is nicer than yesterday.” (Comparative adjective: comparing one thing to another.)
“Today is the nicest day we have had all week.” (Superlative adjective: comparing three or more things.)
Just for grins and giggles, I read the article, “According to a numerology expert, 2020 was always going to be a total sh*t show,” the summary of Josy Curcio’s numerology for 2020.
2020 is a doozy for a few reasons. The first being the presence of double-digits. “When we see double-digits, the influence is amplified,” Curcio said. The fact that we’re seeing two twos and two zeros is important. “The number two… it’s all about nurturing your self-growth,” she shared.
On a global level, she said this number indicates a need for us to take a moment to “look at our identity.”
“As a nation, who the heck are we? As people; as a society; as a religion… as any kind of institution that we have started to create, who the heck are we? Are we true to ourselves?” she said.
Then there’s the double zero.
“The double-zero, it’s a bit of a scary influence,” she started. “The zero represents either a hole; being in the darkness… or it brings a pool of opportunities and amazing possibilities.”
Farther down the article, Curcio said, “Interestingly, number four is associated with creating a better life for yourself. This better life, however, is only attainable if you put in the work and live honestly.”
Life during a global pandemic is chaotic, making it compelling to add adjectives, but notice what happens when you resist that temptation and just share the experience:
John and I traveled back to Michigan. Neither of us went back to work. We were able to ride bikes and John was able to play music with a neighbor who also winters here in Southwest Florida.
Zoom made it possible for me to “attend” virtual meditation retreats in Seattle, Emerald Isle, at Heartwood Refuge, and Oakwood while staying at a friend’s cottage!
We had a visit with Stacey and Doug, Brad and Christina, and Adam on the way, and arrived in Florida on Monday, November 30. We walk and/or bike and John is playing shuffleboard with the head of the league. We are unsure if Canadian friends are going to be able to come down, but additional Michigan friends are scheduled to arrive before the first of the year.
The first of the year…. wow.
What does 2021 mean in numerology?
Next year {2021} we’re working with number five. This, Curcio explained, represents “The sky and the ocean. Like, there’s an infinity of opportunity.” The year is expected to be about change and moving forward.
She expanded on this, sharing that for those who have used their time this year {2020} to reflect, “things are just going to go amazingly” in 2021.
“There’s definitely that light at the end of the tunnel.”
I am all for light at the end of the tunnel.
“Who Understands Me but Me” is a powerful poem by Jimmy Santiago Baca, from Immigrants in Our Own Land and Selected Early Poems. Copyright © 1990 by Jimmy Santiago Baca (See ALL POEMS by Jimmy Santiago Baca.)
Born in 1952 in Santa Fe of Chicano and Apache descent, Jimmy Santiago Baca was abandoned by his parents and at 13 ran away from the orphanage where his grandmother had placed him. He was convicted on drug charges in 1973 and spent five years in prison. There he learned to read and began writing poetry.
The last lines of the poem:
I have found parts of myself never dreamed of by me,
they were goaded out from under rocks in my heart
when the walls were built higher,
when the water was turned off and the windows painted black.
I followed these signs
like an old tracker and followed the tracks deep into myself,
followed the blood-spotted path,
deeper into dangerous regions, and found so many parts of myself,
who taught me water is not everything,
and gave me new eyes to see through walls,
and when they spoke, sunlight came out of their mouths,
and I was laughing at me with them,
we laughed like children and made pacts to always be loyal,
who understands me when I say this is beautiful?
Catalogue 2020 as beautiful. A positive adjective. We are giving the meaning to what was. We are also giving the meaning to what is. 2021 may be better or even the best…
By Joel Bowman, on 31 December 2020 When Debra selected Adjectives as her subject, I suspect many of you surmised that I would select “Adverbs,” which seems a complementary part of speech.The challenge then becomes how to make the two types of linguistic modifiers work in a way that makes sense. Both are terms describing the way a specific word or phrase is being used. We (Debra and I) have often been referred to as “polar opposites”: She says “hot,” while I say “cold.” Some of those differences may be gender based; others are doubtless learned.
“Adverbs” are inherently more “flexible” than “adjectives.” “Adverbs” imply some kind of action. “Adjectives” imply some kind of static (“stuck”) state. Those of you who know Debra and me would probably agree that’s the case with (and for) us. She tends to be “flexible,” while I tend to be “fixed.” She tends to be “warm,” while I tend to be “cold.”
I suspect some of the difference is “gender driven.” Men and women, boys and girls, express their differences in a variety of ways, most of which become obvious early in life. Although both boys and girls (and men and women) play a variety of sports, including a number of sports played by both genders, the preferences for sports differ by gender. Boys and girls, men and women, can of course play sports preferred by those of the opposite sex. It does, suggest, however that boys and men and girls and women, are naturally inclined to sports that favor bodily characteristics of one gender or the other, and it doesn’t say a thing about one gender of the other being better than the other in all ways.
The differences in application by gender are obvious when you review history, especially the history of warfare. Men, on average, have more body strength (especially upper body strength) than women, and that made them better at such things as storming castle walls and killing enemy soldiers. Women are the ones who get pregnant and become responsible for producing and protecting new members of the “tribe.” That doesn’t mean that women didn’t participate in warfare. They most certainly did. Their principal value to the tribe, however, was in what they could do that men couldn’t: get pregnant and produce new tribal members. In brief, men were expendable and women weren’t. I should repeat that to ensure that no one misses it: Men were (and always have been) expendable, and women weren’t. In many ways, that is still the case.
While much of that history is behind us as a species, we can still see how such differences influence occupations today. I spent time in the Army including a tour of duty in Vietnam during our war with that country. And that’s true not just for the two of us (Joel and Debra), but for the English-speaking population in general. In general, men go to war, and women don’t. It also applies, of course, to those who speak languages other than English. The application of those differences is virtually universal: males and females of all cultures display a variety of gender-influenced behaviors. Men of all cultures—and women of all cultures—tend to engage in similar behaviors. Some of that is based on a biological imperative: women get pregnant and give birth; men can’t give birth, so their alternative seems to be go to war, which they view as “protecting the homeland.”
When time permits, think about how gender has influenced your behavior in life. Did it influence your selection of occupation? Did it influence the things you elected to do that aren’t necessarily gender specific? Did you ever own or drive a motorcycle? My guess is that far more men than women will admit to having owned and driven a motorcycle. In general, men engage in more risky behaviors than women. The bottom line: In terms of preservation of the species, men are more expendable than women. In brief, men are the linguistic equivalents of nouns and adjectives; women are the linguistic equivalent of verbs and adverbs.
As you think about how this applies to your own life and behavior, I will be interested in knowing your thoughts. Are you a noun or a verb? Are you an adverb or an adjective? I suspect you could have some fun discussing this concept with your friends and relatives. (A quick addendum: the first time I typed “friends” for the previous sentence, it came out “fiends.”) Let me know what you think….
By Debra Basham, on 1 December 2020 Even a spineless anthropod
sheds what’s no longer useful
and leaves it behind them.
Are you not greater than they?”
~ Jason Versey
In my mind, December is always a month of musing about the past. I purposely am writing this article for the December 2020 Beyond Mastery newsletter on November 2 (before the Presidential Election). Webster’s dictionary defines legacy as, “Anything handed down from the past, as from an ancestor or predecessor.”
From the Facebook post of a friend, our legacy is like footprints in the sand.
When I was the Community Director for the March of Dimes, “Plan-Do-Review” was an essential part of the success of each fundraising event: What worked well? Is there anything we already know we would change? While everything is still fresh, what do you want/need to put into place now for the next time?
Learning from the past is one of the things humans are both most capable of — and sometimes least likely to do. But learning from the past and letting go of what is not not useful is vital. Learn from Lenny the Lizard. Lenny is an alter-ego, lifelong companion, and business partner of Kathy Dempsey — the result of a life-changing conversation with David Mann, a colleague, when his pet lizard died because it didn’t shed its skin. “Keep Shedding: Embrace Change/Get Results” is now the logo on their webpage.
I just watched My Octopus Teacher, an NPR documentary on Netflix about Craig Foster. Burned out from years of working on arduous nature films, needing a reset, Foster returned to the underwater kelp forests off the southwest tip of Cape Town. Worthy of note, he was diving without a wetsuit or oxygen tank — every day for a year — into waters as cold as 46 degrees!
Both the expressions of the man, Craig Foster, and the communications of the octopus speak volumes: relationship is life changing.
The first tentative touch of the octopus. The fright when Foster drops his camera. The second chance and the curious coming closer. Witnessing the attack of the catshark, and concern over the severed arm. The welcome recovery!
Life has its ups and its downs. We can learn from it all.
When Foster discovers that his octopus teacher has mated, it is a mixed blessing. The end is near: females octopuses die after they reproduce. Foster watches her waste away as her eggs hatch….
And later his son finds a tiny octopus! Could it be?
Life has its ups and its downs. We can learn from it all.
About his book, Distinctive Footprints Of Life: where are you heading towards?, Ernest Agyemang Yeboah writes, “We are not just here to live, but to live and leave distinctive footprints behind. We must not just leave footprints; we must let our footprints be lasting and distinctive!”
As Yeboah says, “It doesn’t matter how bitter or better the past has been, what we can do with the bitter or better past today is what matters.”
This is the last month of the year 2020. It has been a year of challenges.
Life has its ups and its downs. We can learn from it all.
Let’s make it the year of the lizard: Embrace change and keep shedding!
By Joel Bowman, on 1 December 2020 For one reason or another, the draft of Debra’s article reminded me of John Lennon’s well-known quotation, “Life is what happens while you are making other plans.” The plans that I made when I was young kept changing. Nothing went quite the way I had planned. I am not even able to determine how much—or whether—my planning influenced the outcomes I ended up living with. A very old saying is,”Man plans; God Laughs.”
Also a long time ago, a Scottish poet, Robert Burns, wrote a brief poem about a field mouse whose house had been destroyed by a farmer’s plow. The well-known line is the saying adapted from a line in “To a Mouse,” by Robert Burns: “The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men / Gang aft a-gley.” The common expression in the military is “the fog of war.” No matter how the generals plan, nothing in a military operation ever goes quite as planned.
When I was stationed at Long Bihn, Vietnam, we were told that our sector was going to be “hit” (attacked) on a certain day and time. I was told to take a 2.5 ton troop transport to the perimeter and prepare to receive casualties. We went to the designated place and waited, but nothing happened. The Viet Cong had hit the base in a different location. Life is what happens while you are making other plans.
I was one of the lucky ones. The entire time I was in Vietnam, the attacks were always where I wasn’t…. That was one of the weird things about war. Both my father and two of my uncles saw combat during their tours of duty during WW II and Korea. My father and a buddy of his were sitting on a log eating lunch when they were strafed by a Japanese fighter. My father was unharmed. His luncheon companion was killed. It hasn’t been that many generations, of course, since most men spent at least some time in the military engaged in combat or combat support. So far, at least, my son has not been called to serve, and I’m glad for that.
One thing war and combat make clear: Everyone is influenced by circumstances. We don’t think about that when we are driving down the street or on the highway. In “Heart of Darkness,” author Joseph Conrad has his protagonist say, “One can’t live with one’s finger constantly on one’s pulse.” That’s one thing combat does: It focuses the mind on those things that are of immediate importance.
Fortunately, most of us don’t need to worry about the hazards we encounter daily. The “Law of Averages” is usually on our side. We can usually safely assume that we and those care about will be safe. In the grand scheme of human history, however, that is a fairly recent accomplishment. We all owe an incredible debt to our ancestors who made our progress as a species possible. It has definitely been a long journey. My mother grew up knowing older male relatives who had fought in the Civil War.
We owe all those older relatives an incredible debt of gratitude for making it possible for us to live without the sense of needing to keep one’s finger constantly on one’s pulse. Perhaps one of these days we will realize the hope expressed in the old spiritual, “Ain’t gonna study war no more.”
By Debra Basham, on 31 October 2020 I saw this quotation in a friend’s daily email, “Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.” My friend said it was from an email message. The author was not identified. It reminded me of Right Speech, in Buddhism, also called Wise Speech or Virtuous Speech.
According to Wikipedia, Right Speech is abstaining from lying, from divisive speech, from abusive speech, and from idle chatter.
As I walk in my neighborhood now (Glen-Aire, a Manufactured Home Community for 55+), I see yard signs announcing the resident’s candidate of choice. Next door, across the street… opposing political views blatantly expressed for all to see.
One neighbor asked me what my political views are. I told him I am apolitical. I suggested we vet everyone who wants to play the game called “running for public office.” We can put their names on those little balls they use for the lottery numbers and let the machine spin. Someone will be President, Vice President, Senator, Congressman, Governor! We can save so much money and eliminate so much madness….
In “Right Speech Reconsidered” (published in the October 13, 2017 edition of Tricycle: The Buddhist Review, Beth Roth writes: The teaching about Right Speech assumes imperfection. Our “mistakes” are a vital part of our learning. We need to lie, exaggerate, embellish, use harsh and aggressive speech, engage in useless banter, and speak at inappropriate times, in order to experience how using speech in these ways creates tension in the body, agitation in the mind, and remorse in the heart. We also discover how unskillful speech degrades personal relationships and diminishes the possibility of peace in our world.
Recently I overheard a phone conversation between my husband and one of his brothers. The brothers all have a habitual pattern of backbiting (talking about someone who isn’t present), especially the youngest brother. He is definitely the black sheep of the family with a different style of living — chronically late and often missing important events. After my husband hung up, I asked him if he felt he had been kind toward this brother.
“Am I kind to him?” he asked with a slight defensive tone.
I explained that I know him to be kind to this brother, when he is with him. I clarified that what I was curious about was whether or not he considered the things he had just been saying about this brother to have been kind.
He admitted his words had not been kind.
That brought to mind for me a mnemonic device about Right Speech:
Before you speak, T.H.I.N.K.
T – is it True?
H – is it Helpful?
I – is it Inspiring?
N – is it Necessary?
K – is it Kind?
After November 3, 2020, as after every other election, a candidate some people wanted will have won, while a candidate other people wanted will have lost.
The truth is, we will even more so have opportunities to practice Right Speech….
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