Awareness of the Celebration of Life service for a pregnant 37-year-old mom with 18-month-old twins and an almost three-year-old is a stark invitation for making sense of life. In this woman’s obituary, mention of her relationship with Jesus was made. Her family expressed confidence that they will be reunited with her because of her religious connection.
I appreciate so much being with individuals who have a sense of confidence in the afterlife. For some, that is about a relationship with Christ, and an affiliation with the Christian religion. For others—such as Native Americans—making sense of life comes in other ways. Native Americans talk about the afterlife as Great Spirit and share openly how loved ones communicate in the afterlife through nature.
In every model of the world, a.k.a. religion or spiritual philosophy, there exists the raw materials for making sense of life.
When my mother-in-law was at home with hospice care, she was beautifully supported by her granddaughter’s singing praise music at her bedside. We all were…
I value patient-centered care. Another way to think about this is recognizing the way each individual is making sense of life. It is not helpful or appropriate to expect everyone to speak the same language. It is most kind and compassionate to pay attention to—and work within— the individual’s model of the world.
For a Christian, salvation is not about church membership, paying tithes, or attending worship. It is about a personal relationship with Jesus. That is the Christian model of the world.
My training as an interfaith minister activated the recognition of common themes and foundational truths found within every culture, yet expressed uniquely through the worlds’ religions. This recognition is not just for interfaith minister’s, it is vital for our healthy relating.
In Time for a Change, co-developer of NLP, Dr. Richard Bandler, tells about working with a guy who believed he was Jesus Christ.
I did something simple. I went out and got a carpenter’s belt, and one big 4 by 6 and another big 4 by 4 and a whole stack of four-penny nails. Those are suckers about a foot long. And I got a tool belt with a five-pound mallet.
I went in. The guy lay in his bed. I took my tape measure and measured him the long way. I took his arms and pulled them out to his side. I made an X on both his hands with the little chalk things. He looked at me. I put the big 4 by 4 on the 4 by 6 on the floor, yanked out my big mallet, and started whacking it together. Whacckkk.
He leaned forward and asked, “What are you doing?”
I looked up and said, “You’re Jesus Christ, aren’t you?”
He asked, “Why do you want to know?”
I said, “Oh, nothing.” Whaaaccckk.! I took a couple of those nails and put one on one end table and one on the other, looked at his hands, and drooled a little out of the comer of my mouth.
I looked at him and said, “I’m Jewish! Easter is on its way. In fact, it will be Good Friday tomorrow. Ha Ha Ha.”
The guy said, “Wait a minute here! I’m schizophrenic! This is just a mental disorder.”
I yelled, “They always say that!”
That’s when they beep the doctor and shout, “I’m cured, I’m cured! Get me out of here.”
Selling cars would be a lot easier.
When they talk about schizophrenia they always say that schizophrenics went out of touch with reality. Then they try to put them in touch with reality. As a physicist I knew that we can’t find “reality.” I figured to make whatever they believed real. If patients believe the CIA chases them, call the CIA to come over to chase them. For me that’s true.
This is a very dramatic demonstration. Maybe too dramatic for most of the situations we encounter, but a couple came to me because they believed a curse had been placed on him by the mother of a woman in India he was arranged to marry. It would have been very difficult, if not impossible, for me to change their perception of reality. The curse was real to them. The severe difficulties they were encountering were real. Fortunately, I was able to help them “remove the curse.” The problems they had been experiencing disappeared. Why?
“What has the potential to be therapeutic is not the experience of hypnosis. Rather, it is what happens during hypnosis that has the potential to establish new subjective associations, new awareness, and new skills, as well as connecting people with dormant personal resources.” (Mindfulness and Hypnosis: The Power of Suggestion to Transform Experience, by Michael D. Yapko.)
Making sense of life sometimes takes surprising turns. You see things differently. What had seemed so important is recognized as insignificant. Obstacles disappear. Options open up.
Like when I was working with a young father who felt he had come up against a brick wall dealing with the mother of his young son. “How high is the brick wall?” I asked. It was too high to get over. “How thick is it?” It was too thick to break through. “Put your hand on it and go to the right or the left until you are able to find the end.” OMG… He reported that the wall was only a few feet in width! Getting to the end, he was able to walk right around that wall. Afterwards, he saw clearly the appropriate action he could take to safeguard his son.
We have hundreds of copies of Healing with Language: Your Key to Effective Mind-Body Communication, our comprehensive NLP training manual. Right now, they are stored in closets. We would prefer each copy get into the hands of men and women who are excited to know these skills. We see people studying them in the lunchroom, on the commuter train, and while they wait for appointments. Ours is a complex body of material, but it is learnable. And your knowing or not knowing how someone else is making sense of life changes lives…